Locations like this one are my go to-s. They are only a few minutes away and depending on the season are normally pretty deserted. There’s something romantic about a boardwalk and the tall lanterns that light up as dusk approaches. While normally my pictures include sunsets, this one felt more appropriate with the last moments of blue sky before the sun slipped away-it matches my dress this way.

Outfit Details: Coat (Kohl’s) Jean Jacket (TJmaxx) Dress & Boots & Necklace (Amazon) Scarf (gift) Earrings (Icing)

Safety is a risky thing, despite the meaning of the word. I fear that I live too safely, yet when I tell stories of my past people always express amazement that I was brave enough to venture to new worlds by myself. There was always some safety in it though, sure my anxiety flared and I questioned myself – as I always do – but it was always with the knowledge that it was temporary and the risk was minimal. It’s risky to stay in safe harbors. With no storms how can you ever understand your strength?

I think I write all of this because I’m struggling. I feel pulled in too many directions and I sense my comfort zone disappearing. Even the night before, I struggled with how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin to the point that tears were overwhelming. It’s not easy to put into words this feeling. It’s an internal struggle of accepting your own worth and allowing other’s opinions of you and your life choices to disappear. You have to be the first person to accept yourself – how else can any accept you until you accept yourself?

I suppose that’s where I am, realizing that I need to stop caring what others think of me or what they say about me. I don’t have to be the prettiest or the kindest person they meet, they don’t have to like me, and they don’t even need to accept me – in fact I don’t need them to do anything at all. What I need is to accept myself, to love myself, and to care for myself.

I wonder what the world would be like if we put more emphasis on teaching children to accept themselves wholey. What if we taught boys and girls to love the skin they’re in, instead of fearing that they will grow up to be vain and instead hope that they grow up to be confident and know their own worth to the point that they don’t need the validation of others? That’s what I wish I could do for young Misha, instead of waiting for other’s compliments, I would find my own positives and embraced them instead of hiding them and fearing what others might say.

I would learn to love myself – both the physical image and the internal one. Maybe then I would believe the compliments I receive, instead of shaking them off. Perhaps then I wouldn’t feel smaller hearing others praised for things I could never have or be, because I would know that while I’m not as beautiful as others and not as smart as some, I still have worth and I don’t have to be the best.

Who knows how many years it will take for me to accept myself as I am. I can only hope I’ll live to see the day.

Měj se hezky

.Misha.